The Journey Back
by Keaton Bridges
Summary: Kathryn has been injured and faces a long journey back to those that love her. JC
1. Default Chapter

Voyager and its characters are the property of Paramount.

Ensigns McKenzie and Jefferson paced outside holodeck one growing more irritated by the moment. The program that was running had run over into their alloted time.

"Twelve minutes!" McKenzie huffed as she plopped down on the floor against the wall opposite the holodeck doors. "It's not fair." Jefferson glanced at the doors and fought the urge to bang on them with his fists then sat on the floor beside McKenzie. He had so looked forward to this time with her. This was to be their third date.

"Problem Ensigns?" Chakotay said as he approached. They scrambled to their feet and stood at attention with McKenzie wearing a blush. "As you were." Chakotay added with a gentle smile.

"Sir, our time was supposed to start twelve minutes ago." Jefferson said meekly. "We were just waiting."

Chakotay stepped to the control panel and tapped. When he saw who was inside he hesitated, unsure of whether to interrupt. One look at the faces of the two ensigns told him it was only fair they be able to enjoy the holodeck time that was rightfully theirs. Tapping his combadge, he said, "Chakotay to Captain Janeway." When there was no answer he added, "Captain, please respond." When there was still no answer he reached to the panel and began tapping again. Before he entered the holodeck, he turned to McKenzie and Jefferson and said, "Wait here."

He had seen Leonardo's studio before and glanced around to the areas he expected to see her. "Captain?" he said with a feeling of uneasiness growing inside him. "Captain!" he said more urgently. Just as he turned in a different direction his eyes fell on her, lying at the bottom of the stairs. He crossed the room in great strides and knelt by her, whispered her name as he felt her throat for a pulse. There was a trickle of blood coming from the corner of her mouth. He tapped his combadge and almost yelled. "Chakotay to sickbay! Medical emergency!" Moments later just as Kathryn dematerialized at his feet, his eyes fell on the drawing on an easel nearby. It was in an early stage but he recognized his own features there.

The ensigns were startled when Chakotay rushed out of the holodeck then stopped when he saw them. "From now on if someone goes into your time, alert someone!" he snapped. They stood wide eyes, unsure why they were being addressed this way.

"Yes, Sir." they answered meekly in unison. Chakotay's expression softened and he nodded his head toward the holodeck.

"It's all yours." he said with a wave of his hand then turned and rushed down the corridor.

Chakotay rushed into sickbay, asking how the captain was as he crossed to the biobed where the doctor was working on her.

"Commander, as you can see I'm very busy. I'll contact you when she is stable." He pressed a hypospray to her neck and gave the commander a firm look. Ignoring it Chakotay covered Kathryn's hand with his and leaned over her, looking at the large bruise across her cheek and the bump on her forehead. She looked so small and fragile.

"Commander, please." the doctor said more gently. "Allow me to do my work."

Chakotay nodded slightly at him then with one final look at Kathryn, turned and left sickbay.

Chakotay was finding it very difficult to concentrate while on the bridge awaiting news from the doctor. When Tom addressed him and he didn't answer, Tom spun around in his chair to look at him. Chakotay was staring at a spot on the floor as if in a trance.

"Commander?" Tom said. Chakotay's eyes met Tom's. "Is something wrong?"

"The captain's in sickbay, Leutenant. She was injured on the holodeck." Chakotay answered.

"Is she alright?" Tom asked.

"I don't know. I'm waiting to hear from the doctor." Chakotay said as he raised the console next to his chair.

"How did she get hurt on the holodeck?"

"The safety protocols malfunctioned." Chakotay said, getting a little annoyed.

"Well, is her condition serious?" Tom asked.

Fighting to keep his voice calm Chakotay said, "I don't know, Tom. Everyone will be informed when the doctor contacts me." His tone had still been firmer than he'd intended and he took a deep breath, added gently, "Now, why don't you keep your eyes on the road."

"Aye, Sir." Tom answered and turned around to face his con again. As he turned, he had seen the look of concern on Harry's face.

Almost two hours after Chakotay had left Kathryn in sickbay, the doctor contacted him.

"Doctor to Commander Chakotay."

"Go ahead." Chakotay answered quickly.

"Please report to sickbay."

"On my way." he said as he got up and went toward the doors. "Tuvok, bridge." he said shortly.

When Chakotay entered sickbay he went quickly to Kathryn's side and looked down at her. The doctor came out of his office and went to stand on the other side of the biobed.

"Doctor?" Chakotay said.

"I've stopped the internal bleeding but she has a concussion. There is swelling in her brain that concerns me. She is in an induced coma to allow her brain to heal, but she is stable at this time."

"Prognosis?" Chakotay asked, his eyes still on Kathryn.

"I believe she will recover but it's going to take some time." the doctor said gently. He was aware of how close the captain and her first officer were, and it was not hard to see the deep concern on Chakotay's face. "She is not in any pain, Commander."

"Can she hear me?" Chakotay asked.

"I can't say for certain," the doctor answered, "however, there have been instances of comatose patients who've recovered reporting that they could hear what was happening around them." He paused a moment before adding, "If she can hear, I'm sure it would be comforting to hear a familiar voice." With this he turned and went back into his office.

Chakotay took Kathryn's hand and leaned closer as he spoke softly. "Kathryn, you have to get well. We need you. _I_ need you, do you hear me?" He watched closely for any sign that she had heard him but saw none. "And when you _are_ well," he said close to her ear, "we're going to have a long talk."

Chakotay slept fitfully that night and awakened hours before his usual rising time. Rather than try to get back to sleep, he showered and suited up then went to sickbay to check on Kathryn. The doctor was scanning her when he entered sickbay. The lights were lowered so he spoke very softly.

"How is she?"

The doctor closed the tricorder and looked at Chakotay. "There is very little change, Commander." he said.

"Change for the better or worse?" Chakotay said with slight agitation. "Give me _something_, Doctor."

"The swelling has decreased by less than once percent, I'm afraid." the doctor answered. Chakotay looked down at her as the doctor turned to go back to his office.

"Thank you, Doctor." Chakotay said softly. The doctor stopped and looked over his shoulder at the commander, nodded slowly once, then went into his office.

"Kathryn," Chakotay almost whispered, "the crew has been concerned for you. They've asked me to tell you to get well quickly." He reached out to brush a strand of auburn hair from her temple. "Come out of there soon, do you hear me? We have important things to talk about." A patient man by nature, this accident had instilled in him a feeling of great urgency. She could've died on that holodeck, alone, never knowing his true feelings. He didn't know exactly when, but he'd made a decision. He'd sworn to himself and the spirits to tell her once and for all how he felt, whether she was ready to hear it or not. Taking a chance that she would still keep him at a distance was not as frightening to him as never having told her at all.

Chakotay went back to his quarters and took out his medicine bundle, feeling an urgent need for a vision quest. Regardless of whether he found any answers there, a vision quest almost always gave him comfort and a certain measure of peace, both of which he needed desperately right now. In the semi-darkness he took the stone between his hands and began the ritual...

"Aahh, Chakotay," his father's voice said as Chakotay opened his eyes. "Your heart is troubled, my son." They were in a dense forest at night sitting on a fallen tree before a campfire.

"Yes, Father. Someone close to me is very ill." Chakotay answered softly. His father picked up a stick and moved the embers of the fire.

"There is more than concern in your heart, Chakotay. There is fear." He looked at his son who nodded slowly. "Fear that she may not return to you?" he asked, "Or fear she will turn you away?"

"Both." Chakotay answered simply after a slight hesitation. His father dropped the stick into the fire and put one leg over the tree so that he was facing Chakotay.

"Your journey together thus far has been as friends," he said, "but now your heart seeks more."

"Yes, Father." Chakotay answered almost in a whisper.

"She is alone on her journey, Chakotay," his father said gently, "and she too has been struggling with these feelings. The turmoil in her heart is making it difficult for her to find her way back."

Chakotay lowered his head and closed his eyes. "I should've told her my feelings long ago." he said. "How can I help her find her way?" When he looked up his father was gone.

Slowly Chakotay opened his eyes and exhaled, looking up at the viewport and the stars streaking by. With a sorrowful expression he whispered her name, willing her to come back to him.

end part 1-


	2. The Journey Back part 2

Voyager and its characters are the property of Paramount.

The Journey Back - Part 2

The morning on the bridge was uneventful which made time pass slowly. Chakotay knew he could leave at any time, turning the bridge over to Tuvok, yet he felt the need to keep things as normal as possible in Kathryn's absence. The crew was very worried about their captain and he knew his presence and regular routine might provide them with a sense of normalcy. As badly as he wished to be by Kathryn's side, his place, for now, was on the bridge. If he were in her place and she in his, that is exactly what she would do.

When he left the bridge for his midday break his steps naturally took him directly to sickbay. He took a chair to Kathryn's side and sat down with his eyes fixed on her. Having heard the sickbay doors open, the doctor approached from his office. "Commander." he said in greeting.

"Any change, Doctor?" Chakotay asked. The doctor very slightly shook his head, his expression apologetic. Chakotay's gaze went back to Kathryn. "Your program automatically reactivates if there is any change in her condition, is that correct?" he asked.

"Yes." the doctor answered.

Chakotay looked up at him. "Would you mind?"

"Not at all, Commander." the doctor said then slightly lifted his chin and said, "Computer, deactivate the EMH."

Chakotay pulled the chair closer to the biobed and took her hand in his. "Kathryn, you have to hear me. I want to help you find your way back." His voice was calm, reassuring. "I know you're searching, and you must _keep_ searching. I would come after you if I could but this is your journey. All I can do is try to guide you, help you get back...to me." The lump in his throat made further words impossible. He leaned forward and rested his head on their hands, willing her to find her way.

When Chakotay did not return from his break Tom contacted B'Elanna to break their lunch date.

"It's alright, Tom. It's a little busy here anyway. I'll take a rain check. Torres out." came her answer. She went to Vorik who was working nearby. "Take over for me, will you? I have something I need to do."

BeElanna entered sickbay and crossed the room to the captain's bed where Chakotay was still sitting with his head down next to her. He did not move as she stood next to him looking down at Kathryn. The bruise was gone but there was still a small bump on her forehead. B'Elanna admired this woman deeply, valued her friendship, and it pained her to see her this way. Turning to look down at Chakotay she realized by listening to his even breathing that he was asleep. She knew he was worried about the captain and that he probably had not rested well. She reached out and put a hand on his shoulder. He snapped his head up looking at Kathryn, then turned to see who had touched him.

"B'Elanna." he said as he let go of Kathryn's hand and leaned back in the chair.

"How is she?" B'Elanna asked.

"The same." he said.

She gently squeezed his shoulder. "She's going to be alright." she said firmly. His eyes were full of concern yet he forced up a brief smile.

"I know." he said then looked back at Kathryn. Slowly he stood. "I have to get back to the bridge." Looking back at B'Elanna he asked, "Were you going to stay a while?" She heard hopefulness in his voice so she nodded.

"If that's alright." she said.

"Of course it is." he said and stepped back so she could sit down. With his hands on the back of the chair he leaned down slightly and added, "Talk to her, B'Elanna." She leaned to one side and looked up at him, seeing the seriousness in his expression. "She needs to know we want her back." he added.

"She would never doubt that, Chakotay." she said very softly. Chakotay looked at Kathryn as he straightened and lay a hand on B'Elanna's shoulder.

"I hope you're right." he said then turned and left.

B'Elanna watched him leave and wondered if this accident might be what it would take to make him wake up, make him know how short life could be. Turning her gaze back to her captain she was at first uncomfortable. Her thoughts went back to when she and the other Maquis had first joined the crew of Voyager. It had been a very difficult time and she knew she had behaved badly. When Captain Janeway had given her the position of chief engineer, she was shocked, flattered and humbled. B'Elanna knew from that point that she would always strive to live up to and exceed the captain's expectations of her. Since then they had forged a deep friendship, one that B'Elanna realized she desperately wanted to keep. Leaning closer, she spoke to Kathryn.

"Captain, I feel a little silly talking to you this way, but Chakotay asked me to. We all need you here. _I_ need you. I've never had a friend like you before and I don't want to lose that. I'd even settle for a good dressing down if you'd just come back to us." She paused, feeling more comfortable talking to her friend. Things needed to be said and she decided this was as good a time as any. "I found Chakotay here when I came in, sleeping with his head down on this bed. He hasn't been himself since your accident. You mean so much to him, Captain. I'm not sure you know just how much." B'Elanna leaned back in the chair and crossed her arms. "And you may never know if you don't get well. Do you hear me?" Suddenly she felt tears welling in her eyes and she stood. "I'll see you soon." she whispered and quickly left the sickbay.

When the computer detected no life signs other than the captain's, the EMH was activated. He took a tricorder and went to scan her. "Hmmm," he said as a slight smile spread across his face. Finally he would have good news to report. Closing the tricorder he leaned down and said, "Very good, Captain."

Chakotay returned to sickbay as soon as his shift was over and was immediately approached by the doctor who was wearing a broad smile.

"The swelling is down considerably, Commander, and as well as I can tell at this point there has been no permanent damage."

Relief was quite obvious across Chakotay's face for he made no effort to conceal it. He clapped a hand down on the doctor's shoulder as he smiled and said, "Thank you, Doctor. Good work."

"I will maintain the induced coma until the swelling reduces further, but I expect her to make a full recovery." he said as they approached the captain. Chakotay leaned over her and tilted his head to look at her face on.

"Her color is better." he said, not realizing he'd spoken aloud. Though she still looked small and frail to him, he was sure she looked better than just a few hours earlier.

"If you'll excuse me, Commander." the doctor said. Chakotay nodded without looking up then heard the doctor order his program deactivated.

Chakotay took her hand and leaned closer to speak to her. "Keep going, Kathryn. Find your way back. I'll be waiting."

The sickbay doors opened and Chakotay straightened but did not turn to see who had entered. He gently placed Kathryn's hand back by her side.

"Commander Chakotay?" came the meek voice of Naomi. He turned to see her slowly coming toward him.

"Hello, Naomi." he said, "Are you alright? Do you need the doctor?"

"No, I'm okay." she almost whispered as if in reverence as she came to stand by the bed. She looked down at the captain and the sadness on her face almost broke Chakotay's heart.

"Did you come to visit the captain?" he asked, smiling at her. She nodded slowly, never taking her eyes off Kathryn. Chakotay went around the table and put his large hand on the child's shoulder. "This is very thoughtful of you, Naomi. I'm sure she appreciates it very much."

There were tears in her eyes as she looked up at him and he quickly went down on one knee and turned her to face him. "Naomi, the captain is going to be alright. She's much better today."

Naomi turned her head to look back at the captain as a tear trickled over her cheek. "Then why doesn't she wake up?" she asked. Chakotay turned her face back to him and brushed away the tear.

"The doctor is making her sleep to help her get well. She'll wake up soon."

"Really?" she asked with her bottom lip quivering.

"Yes, really." he said with a smile. Naomi moved into his arms and wrapped hers around his neck. Chakotay smiled and patted her back. When he stood he took Naomi's small hand and put it on Kathryn's, felt her pull away slightly. "No, it's alright." he assured her and felt her relax and take hold of Kathryn's hand. "You can talk to her, too." he said, at which she looked up at him in surprise. "She'll hear you, Naomi. She'll be very pleased to hear from her favorite assistant." She smiled proudly. After a few moments Chakotay said,

"I'm going to the messhall to get a cup of tea. May I bring you something?"

"No, thanks." she said politely, then looked up at him. "I'll stay until you get back." she announced, sounding very adult. Chakotay smiled and patted her back then turned and left, knowing Kathryn was in good hands.

There was a definate spring in his step as he made his way to the messhall and he was having difficulty keeping the grin off his face. When he entered the messhall he was almost immediately surrounded by crew members including B'Elanna and Tom. He couldn't suppress his smile as he said, "She's finally turned the corner. She's going to be alright."

Tom and B'Elanna exchanged looks of relief as their fellow crewmen expressed their happiness at the good news then slowly dispersed.

"That's wonderful." B'Elanna said, smiling up at Chakotay.

"Yeah," Tom added, "great news, Commander." He took B'Elanna's elbow and they turned to leave. Chakotay went into the counter to help himself to tea and repeated the good news to Neelix.

"Oh Commander," Neelix said as he wiped his hands on his apron, "that is truly wonderful news." Chakotay had sipped his tea and then glanced around the kitchen to see what was on the menu for the day. He had eaten very little over the past two days and suddenly realized he was very hungry. "Can I get you something?" Neelix asked.

"I think I have time for a quick bite." Chakotay answered with a smile.

The crew that had surrounded Chakotay in the messhall made short work of spreading the good news about their captain. As Chakotay walked back to sickbay he saw the wide smiles on the faces of the crew he passed in the corridors, knowing the Voyager grapevine was running at warp speed. He was almost to sickbay when Samantha Wildman fell into step beside him.

"I heard," she said with a broad smile, "it's made my day."

"Mine too." he admitted, returning her smile.

"I'm going to retrieve my daughter before she wears out her welcome."

"No chance of that, Samantha." he said as he paused at the door allowing her to enter first.

"Naomi," Sam said softly, stopping several feet from the captain's bed, "come along. It's almost your bedtime."

Naomi let go of Kathryn's hand and looked up at Chakotay, her eyes twinkling. "I stayed at my post, Sir." she said proudly.

"Good work, crewman." Chakotay said in a mock serious tone. "Dismissed." He watched her smile back at Kathryn then join her mother. Samantha lingered a moment then smiled down and Naomi as they turned to leave.

Chakotay approached the bed and looked down at Kathryn. "I just came back to say goodnight." he said, "You've made the crew very happy today." Leaning closer, he added, "Especially me."

Tom suddenly stood up from the sofa where he and B'Elanna had been 'making out', a term she hated. She looked up at him in surprise and asked, "What's wrong?"

"You're not kissing me back is what's wrong." he said, "Where _are_ you tonight?"

She reached for his hand and pulled him back down beside her. "I'm sorry," she said, kissing his cheek, "there's something I can't get out of my mind."

Tom exhaled as he put an arm around her shoulders. "Alright, let's have it." he said.

B'Elanna leaned her head back on his arm looking upward. "Did you see Chakotay's face in the messhall today?"

"Yeah," Tom said, remembering very well. "I know where you're going."

"Do you?" she said with a crooked smile as she started to pinch his thigh. He was too quick for her, grabbing her hand and holding it fast.

"You know," he said thoughtfully, "this accident just might do it."

"You think so too?" she said, excitement in her voice.

"I sure hope so." Tom said, turning a bit toward her. "I sure would like to win that pool." He leaned in to kiss her but she held him off with a forefinger to his lips.

"Unless I win it first." she said, then removed her finger and kissed him.

end part 2


	3. The Journey Back part 3

Voyager and its characters are the property of Paramount.

The Journey Back - part 3

Naomi climbed into bed and giggled when Neelix tickled her, then settled down as he tucked her in. He sat on the edge of her bed and was about to ask if she wanted a story when she said, "Neelix, have you visited Captain Janeway?"

Neelix looked down a moment then met her eyes again. "No, I haven't, Naomi."

"Why not "

"Well, to be quite honest, I couldn't." he answered.

"But why?" Naomi asked very seriously.

"I guess I was afraid it would make me very sad to see her like that, and I'm sure she'd much rather have happy visitors, like you."

Naomi put her small hand over his and spoke very tenderly to her friend. "Captain Janeway's going to be alright, Neelix. Commander Chakotay told me so."

"Well then, it must be true." Neelix said, tucking her in more snugly. "Goodnight Sweetie."

" 'Night Neelix." she said before a yawn. Neelix smiled and left, comforted by the powerful faith of a child.

When Chakotay entered sickbay early the next morning the doctor and Naomi were at Kathryn's bedside, blocking his view of her. It wasn't until he was at the foot of the bed that he saw Kathryn's eyes were open.

"Kathryn!" he said, breaking into a wide grin. He went around to the other side of the bed and put a hand on her forearm which rested across her waist. She seemed a little groggy but smiled.

"Commander," she said softly.

"It's good to see you finally awake." he said, barely able to contain his excitement.

"She woke up when I came to see her this morning!" Naomi said. Kathryn turned her face toward Naomi and smiled.

"The swelling is nearly gone," the doctor said, "but you'll need to remain in sickbay another 48 hours or so."

Kathryn rolled her eyes. "We'll see." she quipped then turned to look up at Chakotay who was still grinning. "How's our ship and her crew?" she asked. Chakotay was only mildly surprised that she had not said 'my' ship.

"Everything is fine." he said, "You shouldn't be worried about that. You're supposed to be getting well, remember?"

"Naomi," the doctor said, "if the Captain doesn't mind my borrowing you, you can help me organize some new slides."

Naomi looked at Kathryn who smiled then put on a serious face and said, "Dismissed."

The doctor reached out for Naomi's hand and they made their way to his office.

Kathryn looked back at Chakotay. He pulled up a chair and sat down, rested his crossed arms on the bed beside her.

"You had us all very worried." he said, now wearing a gentle smile.

"It was not my intention, believe me." she said as she rested her hand on her forehead for a moment.

"Do you remember what happened?" he asked.

"No," she said as she put her hand back by her side. "The doctor said the safety protocols malfunctioned?"

"Yes."

"Was anyone else hurt?"

"No. I reset them after you were transported to sickbay."

"So, _you_ found me?"

"Yes." he answered, remembering how frightened he had been for her. "Kathryn, do you remember anything of the last two days?"

She seemed to be thinking as her eyes moved across the ceiling. "I'm...not...sure." she answered hesitantly. "Why?" she asked turning to look at him, "Did something happen while I was here?"

"No." he answered as he leaned back and clasped his hands in his lap. She was looking at him curiously. "You just get well. Then we'll talk."

"Whatever you say." she said as her eyes began to close.

"Rest." he said as he stood. "I'll be back around midday."

Kathryn nodded without opening her eyes. For a long moment he stood there looking at her then quietly turned and left.

At 1300 when Chakotay strode into sickbay he found Kathryn sitting up with her feet dangling over the side arguing with the doctor.

"Oh, hell," she said, "here come the reinforcements." The doctor turned to see Chakotay then looked back at her innocently.

"I didn't call the commander." he said.

"What's going on here?" Chakotay asked, hands on his hips.

"The doctors holding me agains my will." Kathryn said quickly before the doctor could respond.

"She _has_ to rest, Commander. I can't seem to get through to her..."

"Doctor," Chakotay interrupted, "can't she rest in her quarters?" He saw Kathryn straighten and begin to smile. She hadn't been prepared for an ally, thinking he would surely be on the doctor's side.

The doctor clearly did not like being disagreed with over a patient. "Commander, we both know she won't..." he began.

"I'll see to it." Chakotay said as he reached to take Kathryn's arm. She was looking up at him with a broad grin as she slid off the biobed.

"Captain," the doctor said with resignation, "I'd really rather you stay in sickbay, but since the commander is breaking you out, I will release you to his care." Now her smile faded. She had not bargained for that. Chakotay led her out of sickbay as the doctor watched them leave, a definate scowl on his face.

"I don't need a babysitter." she said when the sickbay doors closed behind them.

"Well you've got one." he answered, not smiling.

Kathryn stopped in the middle of the corridor and waited for him to look at her. "Really, it's not necessary." she insisted.

"It's either that," he said leaning a little toward her, "or we march right back to sickbay." She knew he was serious and exhaled with a frown. "What's it going to be?" he asked.

"Fine." she said and turned to resume walking as he took her arm again.

"You're cute when you pout." he said, trying not to smile. From the corner of his eye, he saw her shoot him a glare.

In Kathryn's quarters she flatly refused to get into bed, instead settling on the sofa. Chakotay tapped his combadge and contacted Tuvok.

"Yes, Commander." Tuvok answered.

"I won't be returning to the bridge this afternoon, but you may contact me if you need me."

"Acknowledged." came Tuvok's curt reply.

"Chakotay out." he said and took a seat in the chair at the end of the sofa as Kathryn watched him. She narrowed her eyes a bit trying to wear him down.

"It won't work." he said.

Kathryn rested her head on the sofa back and mumbled something under her breath.

"How;s that?" he asked, no longer able to keep from smiling.

"I should've stayed in sick bay." she said louder as she raised up and looked at him. He saw the twinkle in her eyes and was relieved that she was not really angry, just trying to maintain her place. "So, are we just going to sit here and look at each other?"

"If you could be trusted to follow doctor's orders this wouldn't be necessary." he told her with a smile although he was quite serious. "But, since I'm here to stay, can I get you anything?"

She shook her head slowly as she appeared to be lost in thought. "Why did you ask me if I remembered anything from the days I was unconcious?" she asked not looking up. Chakotay had not expected this subject to come up so quickly and was unprepared. Hoping he would find the right words he said,

"You had quite a few visitors. We all talked to you, hoping you would hear us."

Slowly she looked over at him with a strange look on her face. Chakotay pulled himself to the edge of his chair and waited for her to respond.

"It's very fuzzy," she said dreamily, "but I...there's something there, but I can't quite...get to it." She put her fingertips to her forehead for a moment and closed her eyes.

"Don't push yourself." Chakotay said. Kathryn looked up at him and he was certain he saw realization in her eyes. "What is it?"

"You said.." she began but paused, maintaining eye contact, "we had to talk."

"That's right." he nodded.

"B'Elanna was there too..." she said very softly as she slowly recovered the memories. The words B'Elanna spoke drifted like whispers into her mind and her expression changed before his eyes. Not knowing what B'Elanna had said, he remained still as she gathered the memories. Chakotay moved to sit beside her, resting an arm on the back of the sofa behind her.

"You should rest now."

"I've been sleeping for two days, remember?" she said, then looked at him. "What is it we need to talk about?"

"I'd rather wait until the doctor releases you. I did promise him you'd get your rest."

"Chakotay, other than a very slight headache, I'm fine." she said. Picking up the belt of her robe she twirled it playfully and said, "I may be out of uniform, but I can still order you to talk." They both laughed and Kathryn patted his knee. "Now, whatever this is, it's obviously important so I suggest you get it off your chest."

"You make it sound so simple." he said softly as his smile faded. Looking into her eyes, he added, "I wish that it were."

Now there was concern in her eyes for she sensed his difficulty in saying what was on his mind. As she waited patiently not wanting to push, Chakotay took a deep breath and began.

"So many times I've rehearsed this in my mind. Now I can't seem to find the words." he said, obviously unsettled. "I always thought I'd have more time."

"Chakotay," Kathryn said softly, "whatever it is, you can tell me. You should know that by now."

He looked at her. "You really don't have any idea what I'm trying to say?" Kathryn held his gaze for a long time then very slowly her expression changed. As a slight smile came to her she said;

"You're not going to turn this around on me. If you have something to say, Commander, I suggest you say it."

He was more than a little taken aback by her response, as well as her use of his title. It took a moment to realize she was teasing him and he broke into a grin.

"You're not going to make this easy for me, are you?"

"Why should I? It sure as hell took you long enough."

"Oh, really?" he said as he moved closer and pulled her into his arms. "I believe you had a little to do with that."

"Me!" she said, feigning surprise. She laughed and leaned against him, shaking her head. Chakotay held her against his chest, rested his head atop hers and closed his eyes. There would be time for kisses later, for everything, later. For now it was enough to hold her and know she finally, finally knew how he felt, even though he never did quite manage to put it into words. And she hadn't pushed him away...


End file.
